What did we do last night that was yellow?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
