Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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