How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
