So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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