even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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