Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
