video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
