im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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