I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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