I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
