I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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