Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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