i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
