Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
