and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
