i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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