My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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