I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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