he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
