census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
