Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
