I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
