It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
