i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
