My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
