Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
