I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
