So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
