I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
