well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
