and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize