Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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