if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
