She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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