you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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