I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
