Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Text me some of your sweat
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
