I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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