I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
