fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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