he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
