TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
