And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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