do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
