Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
