I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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