can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
