he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
