My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
