Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
