You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
