Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
