I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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