You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
