the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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