SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
