i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
