I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
