Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
