Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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