It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
