Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
