96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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